James says:
if I was a girl and was going on a date
James says:
I’d wear something that showed a lot of cleavage- and then some kind of clown’s trousers with pictures of spunking unicorns all over them
James says:
see how long it took for the guy to mention the trousers
Tim says:
hahaha
Tim says:
you forget that trousers include the ass area
James says:
fuck yeah
James says:
shoes then
James says:
I’d have shoes with the words “fuck niggers” written on them in dayglo
Tim says:
yeah. feet are disposable. if a girl didn’t have feet, i wouldn’t give a fuck as long as she didn’t make me carry her around
Tim says:
haha
James says:
or was in a wheelchair that restricted my view of her ass
James says:
ideally the guy would notice after about 90 minutes
James says:
but if it was on our third date, I wouldn’t cry about it
Tim says:
yeah
Tim says:
what is the converse for girls?
James says:
*blank mind*
James says:
I don’t really know what they look at
James says:
hopefully not hair
Tim says:
if i went on a date, i’d show up in a porsche and take her to ritziest restaurant in town. and i’d see how long it would take her to realize that i had replaced myself with a baked ham in a tuxedo
James says:
hhaha
Tim says:
i’ll bet that ham would at least get a blowjob
Tim says:
you see, we could turn that conversation right there into some kind of SNL sketch or something
James says:
I quite like the idea of watching a baked ham get a blow job
James says:
get chevvy chase on the phone
Tim says:
can you imagine a baked ham in a little tuxedo? we could spin it off into a movie. the ham could co-star with Danny Glover
James says:
I thought you said Danny Devito at first
James says:
and I was thinking “Well really, what’s the difference?”
James says:
is Danny Glover from Lethal weapon?
Tim says:
yeah
James says:
is Chris Rock unavailable or something?
Tim says:
he is, but why would we want our movie to bomb?
James says:
name me 1 film featuring a tuxedo wearing ham that has bombed
James says:
all of those Bond films in the 70s were gold
Tim says:
zing!
Tim says:
this is the scene:
Tim says:
we show the skit with the ham going on a date, then we cut a big shot hollywood producer laughing and saying “that ham is hilarious. get me that ham!”
Tim says:
and then we go to a shot of danny glover saying “i’m too old for this shit! i’m not working with ham!” and the producer is like “why not?” and danny is like “because it’s a ham! and i think it’s starting to go bad!” and then in walks the girl with “fuck niggers” on her shoes and danny punches her out
James says:
roll credits!
Tim says:
comedy gold, my friend. comedy gold.
James says:
it does have a certain “Airplane” chamr
James says:
charm
